How to Avoid the Toddler Teffible Two's

At the age of two they are just adorable and at the same time an endurance test for your frayed nerves. Reason being they are too energetic and equally difficult to communicate to. But here are some tips to make the terrible twos a little less terrible.

They look like angels just descended from heaven, but don’t get taken in by their innocent looks; they know exactly how to manipulate you to get their way. And, they have mastered the art of throwing a tantrum at the slightest pretext. They know what works for them and will do that at the most appropriate time, which may cause you severe embarrassment or drive you up the wall.

So, the best way to deal with such behavior is to treat them like an older child. If they know how to manipulate you, they aren’t that small, really. Here are some suggestions:

A. First, be very clear about what behaviors you will accept and what you won’t. Avoid the non-essentials and focus on the important issues.

B. Talk straight in simple language. Say what you mean, but say it effectively, but don’t go on repeating it. Once you have made it clear, stick by it.

C. If you have spelt out the consequences of not complying with your instruction, carry it out otherwise the meaning of your words will be lost.

D. Yes, you can use time out with little ones: but instead of sending them to their room, how about using a "manners chair"? Here is how it works:

Buy a small child's chair and put it in a corner in the room. Whenever your child disobeys your clear instructions purposefully, send him/her to sit in the chair. Use the same words every time you send the child to the chair, so that the chair becomes a reformatory of sorts. For instance, you can say, ‘You seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again.’

Once they have found their manners - as evidenced by compliance or better behavior or them telling you so, then they can come off the chair. In the meantime you ignore them. Especially if they are fussing or whining.

In order to keep this light rather than as a heavy punishment, you can offer to help them to find their manners again. Suggest to them that they may have dropped them under the chair, or in their pockets, or perhaps they even fell in their shoes. This helps to turn them away from whining to a more positive attitude (and turns you from shouting to being helpful). Usually the manners are found pretty quickly.

Once they have found their manners, you can then tell them to do what they were originally supposed to do, or perhaps they need to apologize (eg to their sister for thumping her!).

Unlike with normal time-out (where it is a clear connection with bad behavior = miss out on fun by being in time out), with the manners chair you CAN ask them to apologize, or otherwise revisit the incident, since the evidence of them having found their manners is a return of compliant polite behavior. If they still refuse, then they clearly didn't find their manners, so they need to go back to the manners chair and have another look.

There is a danger that this in itself can become too much of a game for them since they get a lot of attention from you when you are helping them to find their manners. You will need to strike the right balance between "time-out" ie ignoring them, and a bit of assistance (since they are young, and this is all new to them).

What is important is that you don't get into yelling mode, and they don't get away with inappropriate behavior. Keep it calm, keep it positive, keep showing that you still love them, but that the behavior is the problem - i.e. the child is not the problem, the problem is simply that she has lost her manners temporarily - once she has found them again, then all will be well again.

If your tiny toddler throws a tantrum in public, what will you do? Obviously, you can’t carry the manners chair everywhere. And, you don’t have to, if you remember the basic rule of saying what you mean and meaning what you say, and follow up with action.

Consider the following options: 1. Take your child in a corner and tell him that you will resume the activity after he has found his manners.

2. Take him out and do the ‘manners chair’ in the car. You can stay out and look away while he tries to find his manners. Don’t shout and scream and don’t lose patience. Above all, don’t get into a discussion till the manners have been found.

3. Abandon the shopping trip and go home and do the time out there.

You will only have to do this a few times before they get the message that you mean business in public just as you do at home. While doing all of this, remember to stay calm and in control. Getting into a lather about it all will just make things worse rather than better.

All this is based on the foundational principles in my book, which can help you handle your toddler positively and pleasantly and save you the guilt of losing it once again.

Article Source: http://www.adoptiondoctors.com/articles

Do your kids play you up? Then you should really check out Dr. Noel Swanson's free newsletter on children's behavior management that is packed with advice. More of his articles can be found here: free articles on parenting
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