Parenting Advice: Children Who Lie

Nothing creates adult anger like children lying. It's ironic since it's usually adults who set the child up to lie. This is how it works:

Mum heard that Greg was seen throwing stones at another child:

"Hi Greg, what have you been doing today?" [Why would I tell you if you don't know for sure?]

"Like what? I haven't been doing anything", he says innocently and looked a bit confused.

"Did you throw rocks at the new girl?" [Maybe I can still get away with it]

"No.", he says out, loud looking shocked that you would even imagine such a thing.

"Mavis saw you."

"It was some other kid. I wouldn't do that." [She'll believe me over some nosy neighbour!]

"She is convinced she saw you doing it."

"She's crazy, it wasn't me!"

Mum's first mistake was to offer him a way out, and then immediately corner him. Now they have to face off. Does Mum believe Mavis, or is there room for doubt? Greg does sound pretty sure of himself. Maybe it was another kid. If she lets him off now she'll have to tell him how sorry she is. If she believes he's guilty, she will have to punish him both for lying and for throwing stones.

Since most kids lie to stay out of trouble, it's up to you to promote truth and honesty. Don't tempt them to tell more lies. You have to make it beneficial for incriminating himself, instead of letting him off the hook. Lay a foundation of truth telling and honesty for your whole family. This means you can't lie either. Watch your children for honesty, and reward them when they are. Keep talking about how valuable honesty is as well as a good reputation. Show them that honesty is great and that it will be rewarded.

Then, when you do suspect your children of some misdemeanor, stay calm.

If you know what they have done, do not ask them, "Did you do it?" Why tempt them? Tell them what you know, and dish out the consequences.

On the other hand, you can invite them to tell you the truth. This is how it might be done:

"Greg, Mavis has told me about something she saw this afternoon. I would like to know what happened. But before you tell me, I want you to go away and think about it for 15 minutes. And remember, we value honesty in this household."

Greg now has time to calm down and decide whether to dig himself in deeper, or to cut his losses and come clean. If he confesses, praise his honesty. If, after this, he still lies, then it is double the punishment, once for lying and once for the "crime".

When things quiet down, sit down with Greg and talk about what feelings may have led up to the incident. Maybe he was angry, envious, or insecure. Tell him that those feelings are natural and okay to feel, but that still doesn't excuse behaving badly. Be patient with him. He won't be willing to talk with you until he knows that you aren't' going to get excited and yell at him.

Article Source: http://www.adoptiondoctors.com/articles

Do your kids play you up? Then you should really check out Dr. Noel Swanson's free newsletter on children's behavior management that is packed with advice. More of his articles can be found here: free articles on parenting
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